Dimelo: "He Wanted to Have Sex When We First Met. Should I Give Him Another Chance?"

Dear Pauline,

I met a guy while out for my birthday with friends. Before the night was over, we’d made out, he’d asked me what I wanted for my birthday and asked me back to his place (I let him know that’s not my style). After texting each other for a week, I reminded him about his birthday offer and asked him to join me for a movie date.

He said yes, but when we met at the movie theater, he had forgotten his wallet and had to leave early to pick up a friend from the airport. I was annoyed; this was supposed to be my birthday gift from him! He later texted to apologize and asked for a rain check. I said "maybe." I feel like he should have paid. This was my first date since my divorce three years ago. Have things changed so much? Is he just not interested?

Sincerely,

Traditional & Pissed

Dear Traditional,

You asked him out after turning him down for what may have turned out to be a one-night stand and he still wanted to go out with you. Hell yes, the man is interested. Not interested would have been illustrated by the sound of chirping crickets in his wake after being denied sex the first time you met.

Now let's break down your dilemma, shall we? You called him for the movie, amiga, which takes away any expectation for covering the date on his end. Traditional values like chivalry aren't dead, which is nice. But after verifying my extremely unofficial hypothesis through a reliable source (My husband loves when I call him that), I'm gonna have to stand up for your man on this point. Not only did he make time to meet you for the movie on what was obviously an already busy night, he also demonstrated that he's a pretty decent guy who doesn't shirk his responsibilities or break promises. Forgetting his wallet at home as he hurried out the door to meet you before rushing off to pick his friend up from the airport only tells us that he's human. The fact that your man texted to apologize for skipping out early speaks volumes. That rain check request speaks even louder. He wouldn't have bothered reaching out (or cared enough about your feelings to say he's sorry) if he wasn't interested.

Give the guy a break—and another chance. In fact, if you can stop being paranoid long enough to recognize his genuine interest in you (and just have fun!) you just might make it a second date. Getting back into the relationship game after marriage is stressful, so go easy on yourself as well. Think of it as Teen-Angst, Round 2. You've got all the pressures and anxieties that come with meeting men, first date freak-outs, while managing adult life and responsibilities. That's no easy task. The trick is to re-establish your confidence. Once you can skip past the OhMyGawd DoesHeLikeMe? meltdowns and saunter up to your date knowing you’re a woman who doesn't need a man (but likes having one around), it's a whole new ballgame.

-Second dates are way less stress, anyway...  –P

Pauline Campos is Latina's #DIMELO advice columnist. Send her your questions on love, sex and cultural identity, body image, and anything else having to do with being a mujer, punto, here. Connect with her on her blog, aspiringmama.com, Facebook, and Twitter: @pauline_campos.

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