Dimelo: "My Partner Wants to Watch Porn Together"

Dimelo: "My Partner Wants to Watch Porn Together"
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Dear Pauline,

I'm married and happy with both my marriage and still totally in love with my marido. He still makes me laugh just as hard as the day we first met, we have just as much fun doing nothing as we do getting dressed up to go out on the town,  and I think our sex life is great. 

The problem? He thinks we could use a little bit of heat to our love life and, it seems his answer to that is watching soft porn together before, to get us in the mood. He's always been very...attentive to my um...needs, to put it delicately, and he's never pushed for anything I am not comfortable with. So while I'm happy to reciprocate, I have to admit that the idea of porn scares the crap out of me. How do I deal with his desire to watch kinky videos together if I just don't like them?

Sincerely,

The Porn Virgin

Dear Porn Virgin, 

Sounds like you and your man have a pretty solid relationship going. The only hiccup, as far as I can tell from your question to me is his desire to go all Emeril Lagasse in the bedroom by kicking it up a notch with a few kinky videos to turn up the heat and your self-described fear of watching naked strangers getting sexy with each other on camera. 

I would never advocate for one of my readers to partake in any sexual activities (Or pre-game warm-ups, so to speak) that are either uncomfortable for them or their partner, but I would like to explore this a bit, so let's start with the punchline: Unless he's talking about fetish porn involving clowns and/or people dressed up as giant stuffed animals, I think you at least need to do a bit of ..research...to determine if porn is a definitive no for you. Bottom line? Chica, whether it be asparagus or "Debi Does Dallas", you can't tell me you don't like something you've never tried. 

Talk to your husband. Or better yet, wait for the next time he brings up the topic and really listen. I'm betting it's part of his lusty-voiced sweet nothings reserved for the bedroom. Zero in on what type of porn turns him on and file it away for a solo and pressure-free chance to Google your happy-self from "porn virgin" to "porn savvy." Pay special attention to sites like the obviously NSFW Good Vibrations, which focuses on female sexual empowerment through education, product reviews (including movies), and workshops. You may decide that erotica just isn't your thing. If so, be honest and discuss other ideas you are both comfortable with the spice things up. 

Then again, you may also find that the unknown isn't so scary, after all.  -- Empowerment is always sexy.

-- P

Pauline Campos is Latina Magazine's #DIMELO advice columnist. Email her your questions at dimelo@latina.com. Connect with her on her blog, www.aspiringmama.com and follow her on twitter: @pauline_campos.