8 Reasons ‘Machete Chills’ is Better Than ‘Machete Kills’

Danny Trejo is perhaps the meanest mofo to ever hit Hollywood—if you need proof, check out his starring role in Machete Kills, in theaters tomorrow. Yet, the Latina staff would like to think the Mexican American actor is a big softie (and he is a sweetheart, whenever we interview him). Therefore, we reimagined his gory Robert Rodriguez-directed sequel as Machete Chills. Click and fall in love.

1. Machete Chills: Bar Mitzvah

Machete Chills at a Bar Mitzvah

Machete will teach little Ari how to truly become a man. 


2. Machete Chills: Fashion Week

Machete Chills at Fashion Week

Anna Wintour and Nicole Kidman will not be in the front row for long. 


3. Machete Chills: Bridal Shower

Machete Chills at a Bridal Shower

Per Machete, the perfect bridal shower gift is a machete (duh!). 


4. Machete Chills: GAP

Machete Chills with Abuelita

She’s the only one who can tame Machete.


5. Machete Chills: One Direction

Machete Chills at a One Direction Concert

Machete is a big Harry Styles fan. And what Machete wants he gets!


6. Machete Chills: Beach

Machete Chills at the Beach

Machete doesn’t like to tan but he enjoys the view. Hello, ladies!


7. Machete Chills: Kardashians

Machete Chills with the Kardashians

“Girls, say hello to your new dad, Machete,” Kris Jenner tells her daughters. 


8. Machete Chills: Puppies

Machete Chills with Puppies

The only thing Machete loves more than killing is puppies.