The Hookup: Allow Me to Introduce Myself

Meet Our New Sex & Dating Blogger Alexis Tirado!

By Alexis Tirado

When Latina first asked me to be their dating blogger I was excited but a little freaked out. I wondered if they knew that I once fell asleep in the middle of a bj. I tried to figure out what qualified me to be a dating blogger…I’m not a perfect 10, I can’t wear high heels without tripping and I still ask my parents for laundry money! Then again I do have some serious street cred, I’ve written about boys and sex for Playgirl, Time Out New York and Nerve.com.

I’m also a proud Puerto Rican Salvadoreña, I’ve had a big butt for as long as I could remember and I’ve dropped the L-bomb with more guys than I’d like to admit. The last dude I dated didn’t work out mainly because his was umm..too "small". I love making out and going out.

So here I am, and there you are. Let me start by telling you about a party I went to the other night…

The 8th Grade Dance

I snuck into a Vogue magazine party the other night and it was way easier than you’d think; I just approached the clipboard Nazi guarding the event and told her that my name was on the list.

“I don’t see your name here,” she said.

“Hmmm…my assistant told me she RSVP’d for me. I’m a writer.” There’s no way in hell I have an assistant but acting calm, cool, collected and like you belong always works.

“Go ahead,” said clipboard Nazi and I slipped past the velvet rope with my girl Coco.

A waitress immediately handed us glasses of champagne and I clinked glasses with Coco, “Uy! I feel like we’re having a cheesy Sex and the City moment. Well, except the fact that we don’t really belong here, “I confessed to my amiga as I looked down at my Payless shoes and touched my frizzy hair.

The crowd of fabulously dressed people were busy texting away on their BlackBerries. The DJ was spinning hot tracks but no one was really dancing except a handful of us. Seriously, how can you not dance your culo off to Prince? It’s crazy how parties in New York remind me of 8th grade dances, everyone all insecure and scared to get down. Since it was a Vogue party, there were mad cuties everywhere but I felt intimidated talking to them! Rather than meeting someone new, I danced with Coco. Dancing with my girl was just safer and easier.

At times it feels like too much of an effort to talk to random boys. It’s like working out, probably necessary and good for me but I’d still rather avoid it sometimes. But when you’re single (and in your late 20’s), there’s an odd pressure to find Mr. Right. Here I am at a hot Vogue party and I pretty much punked out. I felt like a dork about the whole thing, but when people try too hard they seem sort of desperate. I’m just trying to balance my quest with my dignity, ha! Do you agree?

Un Abrazo Fuerte,

Lex

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'Hey just for the record that's my name, I'm the original Lex!!!! You better ask somebody!! Lol..................' bxbombshell325, May 6, 2008 - 8:55am

'Hey everyone! OMG, thank you so much for all the amor! I'm so glad you can relate to my words or I can make ya smile. You're officially my internet hermanas!!! I just wrote a new blog post today. Check it out over here: http://www.latina.com/lifestyle/love-sex/hookup-lost-my-translation Much Love, Lex ' Lex, May 5, 2008 - 11:45pm

'Hey Lex! Welcome to Latina! I can relate to some of the silly stuff you have done. Crashing the Vogue party was something I would have done! Your confidence is what got you in, who care's what brand name shoes you were wearing. As far as men!! Damn Girl!!! I have some doozies to share with you. Look forward to reading more about your crazy antics! Liz' dragons, May 5, 2008 - 3:28pm

'omg! i just choked on my cafe con leche your article was so funny! I'm excited to read more about your loca vida in NYC!! ' loquitasurferchica, May 5, 2008 - 9:12am

'Girl you had me laughing! I just turned 30, Been with my man 13.5 yrs, hvae 2 boys 12 & 5 so if you ever need some crazy stories I have plenty!!! I look forward to reading your blog. I also fell asleep during a blow job but so did my man. LOL So sad!! ' SANLETTY78, May 5, 2008 - 9:09am

'OMG! My life is so like that, I mean just today I woke up at 7:00 by my 3 year old prying my eyelids open and yelling "MOMMY, PANCAKES!" We then watched the Care Bears Movie as I cleaned the syrup out of our hair. I then had the pleasure of cleaning up the puke/hairball my gato hacked up on the rug. I spent over an hour in line at walmart as the 80 year old cashier bagged my all my crap in color, size, and alphabetical order. I ended the evening by drinking a bottle of cheap vino while sitting on my laptop typing a semi-coherant ten page English paper for college while my man fell asleep watching basketball...shit, forget me falling asleep during a BJ, I can't remember when was the last time I even seen a dick. Oh wait, I forgot, my life is so NOT like yours, my bad. All the more reason to read your column: to live vicariously through someone whose life sounds wickedly fun! So Lex, If you need any advice on how to get puke stains out of the rug, sticky little fingerprints off of virtually any surface and how to juggle a 3 year old, a messy sports fanatic man, and college all while maintaining some semblance of sanity I'm your girl! LOL' Melissa Lorenzo, May 4, 2008 - 12:12am

'I didn't know that staying awake during a BJ is a requirement to being a lifestyle writer, but okay. I see alot of potential, but there is nothing new under the sun where the pursuit of love is concerned. I guess your challenge will be to add a spin to it that has not been heard of or read about yet. I liked the part of the payless shoes because that's keeping it real about how we have to survive in this economy. Hey, maybe there's your angle! Looking fabulous on a budget, while looking for Mr. Right in a world that is materialistic, where the latest gadgets rule, but salaries are stagnant. Where chivalry is dead and guys are getting cheaper by the minute. Oh, wait a minute, that's been done too. None the less, from one Latina sister to another, lots of luck and congrats.' Delia Fonseca, May 3, 2008 - 11:53am

'Lmao get it girl!! You're definately someone Latina needs to make readers laugh! Welcome =]' RicanMamii, May 2, 2008 - 10:43pm

'I welcome you Lex as a woman, and as a writer, but I don't think I agree with Latina magazine's portrayal of your dating life. It is unfortunate that the young women reading this column will read that you are basically saying its okay to be promiscuous. Dating does not necessarily entail sexual relations, anyways maybe I'm over doing it. Basically what I'm trying to say is that good times are always great, even in dating but not necessarily condoning promiscuity which includes BJ's. ' LC, May 2, 2008 - 11:48am

'TO MIMI~ KEEP THIS CHICA AROUND! SHE HAD ME LMAO WITH THE FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS. GOOD LUCK AT LATINA LEX! KEEP ME LAUGHING! ~MS. BLAZED' mamiblazed, May 2, 2008 - 10:24am

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